Check your Friends Zone

By Adira Royal

Wonderful memories resurface when thinking about the past relationships and friendships. Times spent traveling to different states, and conversing about topics of common interest. Taking care of each other, baby sitting each others children and defending each other when necessary. There also was confrontation to bring things to light to help heal or refine sometimes.

Men & Women bring Value

The difference in perspective, imagary, ideals and outcomes couldn’t be more diversified from men and women. It never satisfied me just to have family as friends because they were obligated to love me. The family is obligated at times to listen but friendship bonds share different textures or content. Not saying you cannot be friends with family. However, the position requires a different set of skills that become difficult to maintain. My love for my family is forever but I do not consider my sisters or brothers as friends. Nor aunts, uncles, cousins they are family who we show up for or they show up for us.

Friendship is built over time along side trust. Although it may not be simultaneous, in terms of growth one effects the other. How exciting to go out with girlfriends, support each other during crucial times of our lives. Somehow, I forfeited this experience after ominous bouts with unfavorable relational circumstances. Eventually,

the distancing of the girls began to happen, I would receive no return phone calls, and less and less invites to outings. Then it “HIT ME” you are out of the Girls Club. Yep, OUT but it is my fault the struggle with committment, late understanding that women are different and experiences, geography and social support help shape you as an individual. ” Now What do I Do?” “LEARN TO BE MY OWN FRIEND”.

After Club Termination

The key to this occurrence is not to weep, feel bad, become bitter or hate anyone. Telling the truth that this Sabotage all came from me. If I took a little to get a Good look the outcome is a byproduct of behavior. The Key Stakeholder… ” ME” who did I become at the risk of loosing people in my life. A hard pill to Swallow but I can accept that my faults and lack of healing lead to this tragic subtraction of friends associates and distance from programs.. How do I learn from the fowl fragrance I was sending off? Yes, it hurt people when I am hurting.


Being a “Church Girl” it is so typical to float through while no one really pays attention. It would have been easy to blame Church, my parents, lack of affection and school experiences. This way it takes the heat off of you as an individual. Truth is there were problems way before. I needed couseling but hiding never heals anything. Secrets covered, nothing was healed so it fermented. What once lay a dormant secret became fights; then chasing boyfriends away both nice and bad boys. The bad boys would stay for fun I thought… in total I had 5 good girl friends in my youth, 4 in my adult hood now none in my mid 40’s.


Layed on the puffy couch, meditating and talk therapy. Joined a support group to help heal. I attended it was an avid part of my life style. Church, became an active part of my Recovery, piece of my anxiety and eventually Healing. Someone elses healing as well in the process in small groups or Sunday School.

Actually, this became a part of the therapeutic process somewhat more than my own therapy. However, there came a time I had to be alone with my new friend ” ME” face some real truths, do some forgiving and understand my personality. Negativity, is a sign of pain unheard anguish & anxiety and more. However nothing that cannot be healed in time. After acknowledging the Root of the problem. Then doing the work.


Now it is more important to be the Change I want to see. No matter who thinks what they think and or why? The greatest gift to a friend is Authenticity… How can you give to others what you have not surrendered to yourself.

Taking time to watch how I navigate through life. Interact with people, committment I have to others. Sometimes moving on is the best way to learn how to Be your Best at being You… It is not running. It is Walking toward a new Frontier without being Controlled by old thoughts, behaviour & judgement.

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